Lonely but not Alone

All right. Well, we finished up Mark a couple of weeks ago, and so now we've just been making our way through some topics. I don't get to preach topically very often because I'm usually working my way through books of the Bible. So, we looked at the Sabbath, we looked at anxiety. Today, we're going to look at the first thing in scripture that God declared not good. In the Garden of Eden, God has created the world, and He's declared all these things good. All these things good. And then, in Genesis, we read that He said it is not good for man to be alone, which is an interesting thing. When we unpack what's going on there in Genesis chapter 2, we understand it's a statement about humanity. We use that, and even Jesus Christ uses that as a foundation for the concept of marriage. But it's a statement about humanity, that God has created human beings in His own image, and they are to be in community and fellowship with other human beings. To be in isolation is something that is difficult for us for a reason. It's difficult for us to be lonely. And I think there are probably many of us who would agree with that because you've experienced the realities of feeling like you are all alone. Maybe that's something you're experiencing right now in your life. Maybe it's a part of your past, and you're grateful that you've been able to be brought out of that. But whatever the circumstances you are living in right now, I think we can all appreciate the difficulty of being lonely. Loneliness can be sparked by a variety of circumstances. If you read Christian literature or Christian counseling, that sort of thing, and you talk about loneliness, they tend to make a beeline to singleness, and this concept of singleness and that that is the ultimate negative of being unmarried is that you are alone. What's also so interesting is if you look throughout history, you read books of aphorisms and things like that, there are so many quotes that people make, like, "If you don't want to be alone, don't get married." You know, that sort of thing, that marriage can create an environment of loneliness as well for a variety of reasons. Singleness, a new environment—you move to a new school, a new town, a new job, and all your old familiarities, all your friends, all the people that you knew and loved are not there anymore. And you have to begin anew, and you start off with maybe that feeling of being all alone. Maybe your parents and your children have finally—the last one has moved out. You're empty nesters now, and that has left you feeling lonely. Maybe it's the death of a spouse or a close friend. Maybe you've gotten yourself in trouble with the law, and you're in prison, and you find yourself alone. Maybe it's old age, and now, because of lack of mobility, you are what we often call a shut-in. And we typically refer to that as somebody who has this difficult burden; they can't even leave their home. Maybe it's missionary work, and you're in a mission field, and you're there because God's put you there, and you feel called to be there, but because you are in a foreign land with a different culture and people who have a different worldview and a different religion, you're out there doing the Lord's work, and you feel alone. Maybe you're with people, but you have stood up for your convictions, and you've made a value statement or a belief statement or a statement about a particular moral position, and now you feel like you've been abandoned or maybe even targeted for attack because of that, and you feel now isolated and vulnerable and alone. You're relating to any of these. Maybe you just feel socially awkward. You want to engage. You want to have relationships. You want to have friendships, but you just feel like there's either social anxiety, or you're just not very good at making conversations and making new friends. Loneliness can bombard us with all sorts of feelings. We can feel isolated. We can feel abandoned. We can feel helpless. We can feel like we lack purpose now. We can just have a general sense of fear. Maybe we feel overwhelmed, unsupported. And so, oftentimes, when we're in those situations, and we express that to people, we express that we feel lonely, that we feel disconnected, that we feel isolated, and that is being compounded by now we have a feeling, a sense that we need to withdraw, or we are withdrawn. There are often solutions that people throw out to us: "Well, just get married, right?" If singleness is it, that's it. "Just, well, you just need to find a man," or "Why don't you just try being more friendly, just be nice, just get out more." These sorts of simple, broad-stroke solutions to our problems are often misguided and ineffective because either they are unattainable—somebody who's a shut-in, and you say, "Well, why don't you just get out more?" Somebody who's in prison, "Why don't you just get out more?" is not very helpful, right? To somebody who is feeling lonely because they are single, and they really do desire to be married, and you say, "Well, why don't you just find a man, find a woman, you know, just get married?" As if you just snap your fingers and it happens. Other times, the solution is really selfishness in disguise. Depending on the circumstances, the idea of working to get more friends or finding a spouse can really be a flawed, selfish pursuit because we really are only interested in serving ourselves. We have perceived desires, and we want to see those desires met. And so, we are going to do what it takes to get our wants and our needs and our desires fulfilled. And we don't really care about the other people. We just care about this pain or this emptiness that we feel, and we want this thing solved. So, we're not really interested in showing Christlike humility. We're not really caring for others. We just want our pain to go away. We just want our desires met. That's not always the case, but sometimes that can be our primary motivation when it comes to loneliness. I want to look at some scriptures this morning. And I believe when you look at scripture and you think about this issue of loneliness, scripture really keys in on three provisions that God has given us to comfort us when we are lonely. There are others, but there are three primary provisions that we see in scripture. And the first one—this is going to seem very dismissive at first, but it's not, especially as we unpack it. So, don't tune me out when I say the first one, okay? I'm just giving you forewarning. Initially, you're going to be like, "This is gross." The first one is contentment. What is contentment? Well, let me read to you from a Puritan, Jeremiah Burroughs, in his book, *The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment*. He describes it this way: Contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit which freely submits to and delights in God's wise and fatherly disposal in every condition. It is a satisfaction with the circumstances of life, with the provisions of God, whatever they may be. Whatever God has ordained for your life, at whatever moment of life you are in, you are satisfied with that. So, he says you have a sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit which submits to and delights in God's wise and fatherly disposal in every condition. It doesn't mean you can't ever ask God for anything. It doesn't mean you can't ever pray and come before Him and make requests. But it is one of satisfaction with what God has given you. When we think of contentment, we always go to Philippians chapter 4, don't we? "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." It may shock you to know that this verse is not about catching touchdowns in football games. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" doesn't mean getting to be the captain of the cheerleading squad. It's about contentment. Paul, as he's introducing this concept, is talking about financial needs and being able to be satisfied and feel blessed when he has abundance and when he is lacking. But in these verses, he makes clear that his contentment expands far beyond circumstances that purely relate to his financial status. He says, in whatever condition, in any and every circumstance, I can do all things, and then this is the key: through Him who strengthens me. Just like last week when we were talking about anxiety, the solution to our anxiety isn't just "toughen up, buttercup," you know, "just get over it, just quit being such a big baby." The same thing with loneliness. The key to contentment is dependence on God, is it not? It's not just gutting it out through the strength of your own will. This is why we're talking about being satisfied with what God gives us. And we have to be dependent on God to give us that satisfaction. That's why it's so interesting when he is addressing the concept of finances, he even suggests the idea of needing to learn how to be content when you have abundance, right? I forget who it was, Rockefeller or Carnegie or one of those multi-billionaires way back when, was asked, "How much money is enough?" and his response was something like, "Just a little bit more." You know, that idea that there's never enough, right? If contentment is based on the circumstances, well, you're never going to have the exact, perfectly right circumstances for you to be content. There's always going to be a little something you wish was different. You know, it's like working on your house. Is your house ever completely like, "Well, there's nothing else I need to do on this house"? There's always something you need to tinker with to make it work, right? You know, same thing with your car. Same thing with everything in life, really. Every circumstance, loneliness not excluded. You need to think about contentment as a kind of variety of peace. It's a specific type of peace. It's one of those pieces that transcends our ability to understand because it's a peace that's trusting in the strength that God provides to thrive in any circumstance. Like I said, it doesn't mean you can't pray for different life circumstances. If you're lonely, it doesn't mean you can't pray that God would provide you with true companions. That's not what satisfaction and contentment demand. But whatever God's answer to your prayer is, it means that you are going to be joyful in the circumstances God ordains for you because you understand that everything He does is perfect and right and good, that everything He does is for our good and His glory, and that whatever the circumstances He gives you is more than you deserve. Right? Because the gospel says that the wages of sin is death. As soon as we find ourselves under the consequences of sin, we deserve instant death. And yet, we don't receive that. Very few people receive instant death as a consequence of their transgressions against God's holy law. And we also recognize that our circumstances create unique opportunities for us to glorify God. And that is the number one purpose of our lives, right? What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever, whether you find yourself lonely or not. So, when we think about contentment, it's an opportunity for us to glory in God's power displayed in our lives more clearly because our weaknesses give us opportunity to display His strength in us. So, how does contentment help you when you're lonely? Well, it gives you the perspective that even your loneliness can be but one of the many diverse challenges or trials that God gives to your life that helps you to grow. This is what James talked about in James chapter 1. It would be one of the variety of trials that we experience when he says, "Count it all joy when you experience trials of many kinds." And why are we to consider it joy? Because those trials produce in us patience. They produce in us a dependence on God and a willingness to wait for His perfect will and His perfect way. So, contentment gives us that proper perspective when life is hard. Contentment also helps us to trust that everything God gives, including your loneliness, is a blessing from God to be cherished. And that might seem so foreign to us to actually name the trial or name the difficulty and call it a blessing. I mean, there's a whole long list of things that I think we would probably choke on our words if we were to put it under the category of blessing. You know, maybe it's a relationship that you have. Maybe it's an economic circumstance. The list could be long of things that we would have a hard time saying this is a blessing. And yet, contentment, satisfaction with God's oversight of our lives, recognizes that everything God gives is a blessing. Contentment helps us in that we begin to see God's abiding presence as sufficient to satisfy our longing for connection. We're going to talk more about this in a little bit. And contentment helps us to be comfortable with God as our ever-present companion. Hebrews chapter 13, verses 5 and 6 says, "Keep your life free from the love of money and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear what man can do to me.'" I think this is so interesting in a verse, once again, that seems to be talking about economic realities. We also have a reminder about God's abiding presence as a tool to help us be comfortable, be content, be satisfied with the circumstances of life. "I will never leave you or forsake you." Contentment. When you're feeling lonely, it's a great time to study the Christian virtue of contentment. But thankfully, that is not the only key that the Bible gives us to help us when we feel lonely. The second one, and one that the Bible keys in on the most, is that we have been given a constant companion. Yes, contentment is a great resource for the lonely. But there is one comfort above all others that the Bible returns to again and again and again and again. And that is, you are never alone, that God is always there. And that's not just a psychological trick that you play with yourself so that you believe things that aren't true. No, this is a reality that the Bible, from beginning to end, is continually pointing us to—that God is near, that you are never alone, that you are not abandoned. This is one of the reasons why we read from Psalm 142 this morning when David is, as Mike points out, literally in a cave. He's being chased. He's being harassed. He's being persecuted. He's feeling alone. He's not surrounded by all sorts of his best buddies and companions. And he even says here, "Look to the right and see: there is no one who takes notice of me. There is no refuge that remains for me. There is no one who cares for my soul." This was what David was experiencing. "I feel isolated. I feel alone. I feel abandoned. I feel like there's nobody around me." But I know that's not true because I cry to the Lord, and I say, "You are my refuge. You are my portion in the land of the living." He's crying out to God because he knows God is right there. God hears him. God knows about the circumstances. So, when we talk about "you are never alone," yes, we're talking about, on a factual level, the attribute of God that He is omniscient, but we're talking about it on a more personal level than mere fact that God is ever-present. He's everywhere all the time. We're talking about, for the believer, the comfort that we have in the truth that, even in the deepest caves, on the darkest nights, we have a constant, close, true companion. David really emphasizes this in Psalm 139, the beginning of that psalm. He's again and again describing all sorts of scenarios: "If I go up really high, you're there. If I go really low, you're there. If I go to the east, you're there. If I go to the west, you're there. If I go early in the morning, you're there. Late at night, you're there. There's nowhere I can go that you are not there." In fact, he says, "You know my thoughts before I think them. You saw me before I was formed in my mother's womb." So, not only every place but at every time in my life, you are present and active and powerful, and I can cry out to you, and I know confidently you will hear me, and you will answer me. We talked about this last week with Psalm 46: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble, so we will not fear." What did Jesus say before He gave His great commission in Matthew chapter 28? Before He's getting ready to ascend into heaven, He's getting ready to leave them. And what does He say? "I will never leave you or forsake you. I am with you always, even to the end of the age." I'm sending you out, and I am going to be with you. When you go out to spread the gospel, and you face opposition, maybe people harass you, maybe they mock you, maybe they throw you in prison, maybe they torture you, maybe they execute you, you're going to experience a wide variety of responses. People will believe. People will embrace it. People will love you for that. But there's going to be a lot of people who don't. The book of Acts is filled with all sorts of illustrations like that, where Paul and Silas or Paul and Barnabas or Paul and these different people, they're thrown in prison. They're run out of town. They're stoned. They're beaten. They're mocked. But there is this reminder that Jesus Christ gave them before He ascended into heaven. And it's true for us just as true as it was for them: "I am with you always to the end of the age." What He's saying is everywhere, all the time. The Lord never deserted Paul in all of those situations. If you've got your Bibles, turn to 2 Timothy chapter 4. This is a great verse where Paul's reminding Timothy of this reality. This second Timothy is Paul's last letter to Timothy, kind of his parting words, and one of the things he tells him in 2 Timothy chapter 4, verses 16 to the beginning of 17, he's talking about a situation that happened in his life, and he said, "At my first defense, nobody came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them." But look at verse 17. What happened? "But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me." I was, from a human perspective, I was alone. There was nobody, in terms of a companion, a sense of companion, or even legal support that was there to aid me and assist me in this difficult circumstance. I went through all sorts of harsh treatments, had to defend myself against people who were in opposition to the gospel. And there wasn't anyone else who could help bear the load. There wasn't anyone else who could assist me. Nobody was with me. In fact, he goes to say, they deserted me. They left me. But the Lord stood by me. And I think the way Paul addresses this on a very practical level, a personal level, helps us to see then when we talk about God being near, when God being everywhere, we are speaking about it not just in a sense of, well, He's in my general vicinity. He's around. No, He is a true companion. He is active in our lives. And that's why the Bible calls our attention to this fact so frequently. When loneliness is addressed in scripture, it inevitably comes to this concept: You may feel alone. You may actually be alone, but God is with you. It's not a trick of the mind. As I said, you're not trying to psych yourself out of a difficult circumstance by just sort of psychological tricks that you play on yourself, but this is something that becomes more of a comfort to us as we come to know more about God and we come to know God better. As our personal relationship grows with Him, and we see Him as this great God, we see Him as one who is great but who is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. And that so often is a great description of people who feel alone, brokenhearted, and crushed in spirit. And yet, the Bible says God is with us. This is also something that Jesus Christ, who is God, the second member of the Trinity, God who took on flesh when He was born to the Virgin Mary—at His arrest, trial, crucifixion—what do we see in that experience? We looked at it at the end of Mark's gospel. We see Him alone. The disciples are afraid. They run away. When the pressure gets really strong, when the heat is on, they're all out of there. They are afraid. They're fearful. Even the people who are at the cross are from a distance. Jesus is alone in His humanity, even feeling abandoned by the Father on the cross. And yet, in Hebrews chapter 4:15, we have this: "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." We talk about Jesus Christ experiencing all the same experiences that we do, and that would include loneliness. But if you would turn to Hebrews chapter 4:15, I want you to circle that word "sympathize." I think that word gets overlooked so often when we talk about this verse here, and we tend to emphasize that He experienced the same life circumstances we do. He went through the same kind of life we did. He wasn't born in a luxury resort that was walled off from the real world, and He just had all of His needs met, and He was catered to but never actually had to get His hands dirty with people like us. And that tends to be what we emphasize: No, He lived a real life with real people. But what I love about this verse is the writer of Hebrews lays it out that because of that, He is able to sympathize with us. He sympathizes with the condition of being lonely. He can relate. He understands. He has this sympathetic attitude toward the difficulty of being isolated. And He experienced that in the most difficult circumstances imaginable, in a circumstance that we cannot relate to. We cannot relate to the difficulties of suffering and dying for the sins of the world. You and I have no category to put that in. That is the gospel, right? That He stood in our place in the place of sinners. He, being sinless, took on Himself the punishment for sins. He, the righteous, made atonement for the unrighteous so that we can believe in Him, trust in Him, and be saved. And yet, He carries that act out under the shadow of being alone. He suffers and dies for us alone so that we, even in a more personal sense than just the ever-present reality of God, can never be alone because we who have believed, the Bible says, are made new creations in Christ. We are adopted into the family of God. We're made heirs of His kingdom. We become a part of something that we were not a part of before, a part of something that we were separated from before because Jesus Christ came to us to be our substitute, to be our atoning sacrifice. So, yes, please be satisfied, be content with the circumstances God gives you, but recognize that God is a constant companion to you. He is an ever-present help in times of trouble. But God has also given us another resource to help us in our loneliness that is personal and it is flesh and blood, and that is Christian fellowship. Christian fellowship surrounds us with brothers and sisters in the faith, all working toward the same goal of glorifying God by magnifying His name in the world. It is brothers and sisters ministering to one another and proclaiming His good news to unbelievers. But I have to caution you: Succeeding at Christian fellowship means you have to view the local church as more than an event calendar or simply an institution that curates and coordinates programs for you. This is not the Dixon Senior Center where we create opportunities for you to do things with other people. That might be a byproduct of the local church, but participating in the life of the church is supposed to have a relational dimension. It's supposed to be a place where these relationships are forged and strengthened and built and developed, and those relationships become a tool that God uses to accomplish His mission. That's the Great Commission and to strengthen individuals in their relationship with the Lord. Here's another verse from Hebrews, Hebrews chapter 10, verses 24 and 25: "Let us consider how to stir one another up to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near." Now, so many people have pointed this out, but I feel like I have to re-emphasize it with you that when he says "not neglecting to meet together," that isn't just limited to or exclusively talking about Sunday morning worship service. "Make sure you show up to church on Sunday morning." Yes, please do. Please do. But if that's all you view meeting together as, then you've missed so many great opportunities. This is a verse encouraging us to live life with one another, to be a part of one another's lives so that there become all sorts of opportunities for us to stir one another up to love and good works and encourage one another. God has given you this amazing resource to have true companions. You need to take advantage of it. This is clearly about more than showing up and sitting in a pew on Sunday morning. It's about living a vibrant, active faith in a way that involves relationships. I mean, at a bare minimum, it has to require that we at least are involved in each other's lives enough so that we know how to encourage one another to love and good deeds, that we know how to build one another up. If the purpose of meeting is one another, then that means it's not just about getting my needs met. You can't just show up, and you're surrounded by your little cheerleading squad that's there just to pat you on the back and tell you what a wonderful person you are and, "Oh, can I bring you some goodies this week?" and, "Oh, you're so nice and wonderful and lovely." May that be how people treat you. May we want to let people know that we love them and care about them and we think that they're wonderful people, and we're glad they're in our lives. But this is also about you pouring into other people as well. That's what I love about the description of the early church in Acts chapter 2 after Pentecost, and they're just all in each other's lives, and they're meeting one another's needs. When there's an opportunity, and they need to meet needs, they do what they need to in order to meet those needs. But they're also worshiping with one another, praying with one another, studying scripture together, hearing the apostles' teaching together. In other words, what we see them doing when they gather together, they're first oriented vertically. Their eyes are toward the Lord, worshiping Him, growing in their love and devotion to Him. And then that translates into being oriented horizontally in the "one anothers" that they are engaged in together in a spirit of ministry and service to one another. So, in other words, when you read a verse like Hebrews 10:24 and 25, or you look at the early church in the Gospel of Acts, or you come to the end of Romans where Paul lays out all the "one anothers," what you begin to see is that we should want to know one another so that we can better serve one another. When we seek out the lonely, when we seek out the isolated, seek out the lost, we're not trying to replace God as their constant companion. That still is the primary anchor for them to hold on to when they feel alone, when they feel abandoned, when they feel isolated. They need to always go to that: "But I'm not alone. God is always with me. He hears me. He cares about me. He knows my situation. He is intimately invested in my life." And yet, God has created opportunities for people to be conduits of His grace into the lives of other people. We become someone that He uses to draw near to those people who are experiencing solitary suffering. So, Christian fellowship is so beautiful because it surrounds us with brothers and sisters in the faith, all working toward the same end goal of glorifying God by magnifying His name in the world. And so, ministering to His children, ministering to one another, helps us better be equipped and in places where we are able to proclaim the good news to those outside the church. So, let me give you just a couple of things to remind you. If you have tuned out, just maybe write these down, and you pretty much got the sermon in these three statements. So, if you are lonely, you need to find comfort in knowing you are never alone. God is present in a real sense. If you're not lonely, you need to lean into the opportunity the church provides you to be friends to those who are in need of companions—true friends. And maybe the hardest one, but if you are lonely, recognize that solitude, even if it is unwanted, is one of God's many blessings, something that you should be satisfied with. So, I'll sum it up this way: No matter how isolated you feel, the majesty of who God is, the glory of the gospel, and the true connection to fellow believers assure us that we are not alone. Let's pray. Dear Lord, we thank You for how consistent and clear Your word is for those who experience isolation and loneliness, that this is a reality that is, in many ways, no different than any other reality. It's something that You have given to us and is an opportunity for us to be satisfied in You and content with the ways that You work in our lives and You bless us. It's an opportunity for us to remind ourselves again and again of Your ever-present help and comfort, that even if we feel alone, we are never truly alone because You are with us. And it is a reminder to us of the opportunity that we have as believers in connection with one another's lives to be a help and a comfort to others and to know them and to live life with them so that we might help them, all of this rooted in the truth of who You are, demonstrated so clearly in Christ on the cross as He came to be with us in a very literal and physical way so that He might die for sinners on the cross, rise from the dead victorious over sin and death so that we might be justified. And not just one or two of us, but every person who believes on Christ for salvation, we are told, will be saved. And that presence that He demonstrated there, even when He Himself was all alone, is such a powerful reminder to us of how much You care for us. And it's an inspiration to us as we are commanded to love You with all our heart, mind, and strength and to love one another as ourselves. May You help us to be men and women who go out of our way to care for the lonely, even if we ourselves feel very alone.